Well, as far as I know, I had been single for 20 years. Believe it or not ??? I never couple before and I dont even know how the feelings is though. Yeah for sure I have my crushes but none of them end up sucessfull though. When I had a crush on a girl, I just hide my feelings and like her from afar. LOL I was still immature that time right, and I dont know anything about it at all. Well my crush feelings for a girl just disappear like that after some time though. Its always like this I guess this is what people call a ''crush'' huh. LOL...
Well I have been having crushes since I was in Kindergarden until I was 19 years old. Well there was one crush at the age of 19 which I really take some action this time since I was more mature than my pass years and I learn how to tackle girls LOL. Its funny though when I think about it now. Well as the saying goes maybe its just a 'puppy love'. Well for my first real puppy love, it was horrible!! I like her for three months and she is kinda of giving me hopes that we can be a couple. She was the first girl that gives me hope and the first girl to accept my love (lol so geli when I wrote this post X). Well its just a sharing of thoughts though and it was a learning experience. Well this girl played me like a harp you know, giving me hopes, making me really fall for her things like that. In the end, she just told me to be friends and crushed my hopes of couple with her just like that. Actually she liked another guy when she gives me hope that time. So I guess I was her spare tyre literally and she throw me away when she got the tyre she wants. To make things easy, it means my feelings were played!!! Ergh!! I never know my first puppy crush was so horrible. I thought it would at least be a happy one like what other people do but guess I was too naive. I trust her too much, I put too much hopes on her and my hopes just crushed down or literally it just ended up falling from the top of a 50 floor storrey building to the ground!
Ouch!! This is the first time my feelings were being played by a girl. And it was my first. The saddest part is, she ended up coupling with the tyre she like after she dump me and played with my feelings. Not only was my feelings played, my feelings hurt, I ended up miserable gaining nothing at all while she played my feelings just like that, and manage to be with her spare tyre. I gain all the negative feelings while she gain all the positive things. Is that fair at all ??? I received nothing!! Nothing at all, just a hurt heart, and a painful memory of her. She ? She gained happiness in the end and found her tyre. I was just like a piece of rubbish being thrown to the garbage. She did not even care at all about my feelings when she played me.
I was so pissed off though.I blame myself too much for being too naive, and I promised myself I would not be that naive anymore, wont trust girls too much, wont let my weak heart be hurt anymore and would be more careful to choose a girl whom I want to be my girlfriend and if possible my future wife. If it is really possible, I want my first love to be my last love. Hehe guess I could just pray for it huh.
Now I forgiven the girl already. Hehe thanks to Zell, she too had forgiven her ex boyfriend after hating him for so long. She make me realize too that I had hated her too long and it was now the time to forgive her. When I met her now, I have no hurt feelings anymore, I just feel nothing when I met her. I mean emotionless. When she talked to me, its like I am the robot while she is a human. Haha I dont know why like I am like that but I don hate her anymore and I forgive her. Its just that maybe it takes time for me to heal properlly before I can speak with her again. I am glad she is happy with her new tyre though I am the one having to suffer all the pains myself.
It was really a hard time for me after she dumped me. Its hard for me to get hold of myself but I manage to stand up until today, February 2011. It happen November, 2010. So guess I am finally ok after such a long time but it was really like hell when my feelings were being played. I felt so hurt. I cried at certain times and I was so miserable. Life is not so happy to me and I was wondering when will I be happy again. At certain times, I feel emotionless. I feel nothing. Gosh it was such a horrible time after my heart breaked.
With supports from my friends, my lecturers, my family, especially God, I manage to stand up again in life and become happy as I am today. Praise the Lord!! I often pray to God to give me strength during those hard moments. I thank God for sending my friends to support me when I am down at that time. They really give me a lot of advice and on things and asked me to move on, to stand up again in life. Without God, my family, my friends and my lecturer, I would not be as who I am today. I love them all so much. Thank you God!! Thank you Jesus! I love my parents, my friends!!!
Guess this is the only thing that I can share bout my love life since this is the only thing that happen..hehehe well I am more stronger now and more ''innaive'' (is there such word lol ) I am still waiting for that one girl though. Hopefully she will come soon. Amen... ^__________^
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